Untitled Complaints

He grunted, straining.

Susan's face pinched up, little budding tears forming in her eyes. Her body froze, caught in the shock of the pain. "What the fuck," Ted breathed, sweat framing his pasty face. "You should be looser than this by now." She lay underneath him, silently praying that he could get in, and get going.

Ted and Susan had been having sex for about a week now. This was their third attempt in trying to get Ted to spelunk in Susan's warm little cave. And, 'little' it surely was -- they'd achieved penetration once, so far. The pain that had come with that had been intense. Being a virgin didn't help; apparently having an abnormally tight vagina should have been the last straw. Hormones and attraction being what they were, the two had come to the conclusion that frequency would clear things up.

"Auwk!" Susan squawked, as Ted rammed his way in. He paused, holding himself above her, waiting. Just gooooo.. her mind begged. She huffed a little, her heart-shaped face blossoming in red blotches.

"You okay?" Ted asked, lamely.

Yes, fucker, just go!

"Yeah.." she whispered, through gritted teeth.

And, with that, Ted began thrusting. It stopped hurting so much eventually, but, gave way in to a feeling akin to sticking a finger up her nose. She held on to him, as if hugging intently. She dried out fast, the lube not living up to it's worth in coin. It began to get very sore in her nethers. Raw, even.

"Stop.." she whispered.

"Already?" he said, the disappointment stark.

"Either that, or we've gotta buy some better lube. Seriously," she said, wiggling out from under him. "This shit blows." She sat on the edge of the bed, facing him.

"They told me this was the best stuff. I don't know what the next step up would be." Ted rolled over, his dick flopped impotently to the side. He scratched at his pubic hair, absent. "I suppose there's the internet?"

"I guess? I've never bothered. Imagine getting that in the mail?" she asked, perking up.

"I'd never be more excited," he joked.

"Imagine if it was something that smelled rank; imagine complaining about that to the seller."

"No refunds! You bought it -- sucker."

She snuggled up to him, flopping the blanket over their torsos. "The hidden agenda of the lube company. Make people so disgusted by the smell that they stop getting it on."

"Sort of like drinking too much. You get grossed out by the smell; but, I think lubes are generally scentless."

"Could be."

There was a slight pause, the couple staring up at each other. He flicked a tendril of hair off of her forehead, a quirky little grin settling on the one side of his mouth.

"I'd better get going," Susan said, getting out of the bed. She dipped around the floor, picking up articles of clothing. Twirling her bra at Ted, she said, "You know, before your wife gets home," before hitting the bathroom.

Ted's face remained neutral.

"Love ya," she chirped, skipping away.